‘Fear the Walking Dead’ Ushers In a New Era of ‘Fear’-Based Spin-Offs

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This weekend, Fear the Walking Dead, the latest entry in AMC’s “We’re Not Letting Go of Our Hits” sweepstakes, premieres. And it’s actually, reportedly pretty good! That said, its success — and not to jump the gun, but who’re we kidding, it’s gonna be a giant hit — is a bit of a cause for concern. After all, if networks realize they can just slap the word “fear” in front of their most successful shows, those programs could very well take over the airwaves (not unlike an army of the undead, hahaha… ha). For example:

Fear the Sons of Anarchy: Two words: Zombie bikers.

Fear the Good Wife: Two words: Zombie lawyers.

Fear the Office: Two words: Zombie Toby.

Fear the Voice: This season’s celebrity coaches: Chris Brown, Fred Durst, Scott Stapp, and Celine Dion.

Fear the Family Guy: Yeah, right, as if Seth MacFarlane would ever repeat himself like that.

Fear the Modern Family: Less a spin-off than a Talking Dead-style discussion show, where concerned viewers express concern that Modern Family will keep undeservedly winning the Emmy for Best Comedy Series and thus never go off the air.

Fear the Simpsons: See above, minus the recent Emmys.

Fear the Gilmore Girls: A panel show populated entirely by MRAs.

Fear the Big Bang Theory: When the laugh track goes away, these lives get dark. Really dark.

Fear the Bachelor: And you thought you’d heard the last of “Juan Pablo.”

Fear the Daily Show: An entire series of people nervously switching on their televisions at 10:59 EDT on September 28.

Fear the Frasier: An in-depth, weekly examination of all Kelsey Grammar’s post-2004 film and television work.

Fear That ‘70s Show: An in-depth, weekly examination of the post-2006 film and television work of everyone but Mila Kunis.

Fear the Love Boat: Based on the true story of the Carnival “Triumph.”

Fear the Growing Pains: The terrifying story of a teen idol/’80s hack sitcom star who becomes a vile homophobe and family values crusader. With special appearances by Michael Pitt as Leonardo DiCaprio!

Fear the Magic School Bus: For those nights when the kids just will not go to bed.

Fear the Full House: AKA the new Netflix Full House, an idea that fills this viewer with as much dread as an entire season of The Walking Dead.

Fear the Apprentice: AKA the current Republican primary season.

Fear the West Wing: AKA the current Republican primary season.

Fear the Cosby Show: Self-explanatory.