Apparently, We’re Going to Live Forever (Just Like Edward)


So, we heard a rumor that we’re going to live forever — yes, that’s right. If we want to. The Maximum Life Foundation recently held a “Longevity Summit” to discuss recent anti-aging findings, and the current goal is to be able to achieve “full age reversal” by 2029. Hmm. First of all, is this even possible? Or is it a Scientology-type scam to solicit our dollars?

Well, to answer that question, the Maximum Life Foundation’s website offers lots of extra information on our impending immortality, including one article entitled “How to Enjoy Unforgettable Sex on Your 120th Birthday.” Well, of course we clicked on that, and FYI, three out of four ways to enjoy unforgettable sex on your 120th birthday include buying something. We thought so. In the MLF FAQs they also answer burning questions like “When do you expect aging to be cured?” and “What will we do with all the old people?”

We aren’t convinced, but to work through our immortality anxieties, we’re taking a look at six of our favorite immortals to weigh the pros and cons.

Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray)

Pros: Eternal beauty; unabashed hedonism.

Cons: Your life force is tied to a painting; you’re cursed and that sucks.

Edward Cullen (of Twilight)

Pros: Be really really awesome at sports; look like Robert Pattinson.

Cons: Experience high school over and over and over and over and over; do it with that embarrassing sparkly skin. Oh, and want to kill your girlfriend at all times.

Tithonus (of Greek Mythology)

Pros: You’re so good in bed that your Goddess girlfriend asks Zeus to grant you eternal life.

Cons: Not the brightest bun in the basket, she forgets to ask for eternal youth, and you wither for years and years until you turn into a grasshopper.

The Elves of Rivendell (of The Lord of the Rings)

Pros: The far-seeing wisdom that comes from living for thousands of years; the promise of leaving Middle Earth to get away from those boring humans for the rest of time.

Cons: If you fall in love with a mortal, you either have to become human or live with him for a short time and then mourn him forever.

Jesse Tuck (of Tuck Everlasting)

Pros: The immortal boy won’t mock your fear of death to get you to do stuff; teen on teen action.

Cons: You’re stuck with your teenage romance forever; plus “immortality isn’t all the preachers crack it up to be.”

Dr. Parnassus (of The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus)

Pros: Um, Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell will hang out with you; travel the world(s).

Cons: You’re pretty much supposed to give your daughter to the Devil who just so happens to be Tom Waits.

What do you think? Worth it, or not so much? Likely, or not so much?