Here’s Ilana and Abbi’s Take on the Holiday Devoted to “the Original White Douche Asshole”


You probably wouldn’t have guessed there was anything that could have gotten Broad City‘s Ilana excited about going into her much-detested office. But today that something has been revealed: for “today,” itself, is that one unexpected trigger. As you’re probably aware, it’s Columbus Day, or, as Ilana Glazer puts it, the holiday of “the original white douche asshole.” In the Broad City web exclusive below, rather than taking off of work, Glazer wants to go into her office just to disrespect Columbus’ ghost. (She of course doesn’t actually intend on working while there.)

She declares her plans for protest over Skype to Abbi, who’s going the more conventional route of “doing nothing” on Columbus day — and who asks that, as part of her political act, Ilana print out some photos of celebrities for her at the office because “screens are starting to affect [her] eyes.” From there, however, their ideal protest gets far less abstract, with the two beginning to riff on exactly what they’d like to do to Columbus — “fuck[ing] him in the ass when he doesn’t expect it,” giving him a rather elaborate scalping, then fellating him (which I just learned autocorrect thinks is “felting”)” only to bite his dick.”


Season 3 of Broad City will premiere on Comedy Central in February 2016.

[Via Uproxx]