Watch Stephen Colbert and Liam Neeson in The Harrowing ‘Candy Crush: The Movie’


If the recent years have taught us anything about the state of filmmaking, it’s that studios will get behind almost any idea — so long as it already exists. As studios dig deeper and deeper into what products and cultural phenomena — Angry Birds perhaps being the deepest dig that’s occurred thus far — it isn’t at all illogical to start to see films in everyday items. Thoughts like, “toilet paper could make for a smart subversion of the traditional rom-com,” or “ Red Cups could be a searing political satire,” or “The Dress would be an arresting mystery” don’t seem so farfetched. Stephen Colbert, for one, has created a scintillating vision of “Candy Crush: The Movie.”

Last night on The Late Show, Colbert screened a difficult but poignant scene from the (fake) film, starring Liam Neeson as the dying (he’s been impaled by a Candy Cane) Mr. Toffee. (Colbert co-stars as his son.) In the spoof on a game whose anti-premise — and the fact that said anti-premise has mindlessly enwrapped so many of us — already seems like a spoof, Colbert does a not-so-good job comforting Mr. Toffee as he fades away, no thanks to some of the rules of the Candy Crush world.

“I brought you three lemon drops,” says Colbert, digging through his pocket. “Oh no, I’m such a fool — I put three of them together and they automatically disappeared.”

From there, it gets even more unbearably sad, as Mr. Toffee, in his last moments, spouts the truths no one wants to hear:

I had a good life, I spent my best years crushing candy, and as I crushed, I would sometimes think, ‘This is a huge waste of time.’ I could be reading a book or anything, but I kept on going. I know I haven’t been the best father.


[Via Vulture]