These Animorphs books are old news now, but do you remember how you could buy them from those little Scholastic catalogs that came in the mail? Man, mail-order catalogs. Oddities that somehow still exist — including the Williams-Sonoma catalog, which continues to polarize Americans (so long as they are in the contiguous 48 states).
Precisely, The Adequate Man hates the Williams-Sonoma catalog. What’s not to like about a penguin-shaped SodaStream, or peppermint north poles? Anyway, it’s worth a read if you’re particularly anti-holiday, and even more so if the Martha Stewart brand of Christmas makes you feel nothing but anxious. Which, why wouldn’t that make you anxious? It’s just about as bad as having to use a urinal in a public bathroom, which is truly a frightening experience. Even if you’re wearing a penis-shielding tent.
Yes, that’s right: a penis-shielding tent. Apparently some folks thought the entire problem with pee shyness (full disclosure: I experience it) is that you don’t want people to look at your penis while you’re peeing. But it’s more than that. Or, maybe, it’s less than that: it’s the whole idea of someone being aware of the fact that you’re peeing, or not peeing, or struggling to pee. And the only thing wearing a tent will do is draw more attention to exactly what it is you’re doing over there in the corner in a giant black cloak. Just owning one of these things would probably be enough to lose friends, both in reality and on Facebook. It’d be almost as bad as being friends with Donald Trump.
Donald J. Trump, that is. And, on not in real life, but on Facebook. Luckily, there’s now an easy, failsafe way to make sure you aren’t virtual buddies with any virtual buddies of the Don: simply search for them. Because god forbid you remain acquainted with anyone who holds political views that differ from your own.
If there’s anything you take from this post, it’s that: don’t talk to anyone you disagree with. Yes, that’s definitely what you should take home from this. Anything but a pee tent.