This past weekend, Americans upheld our annual, arrogant tradition of crowning an earthling with the title of Miss Universe. This year, Steve Harvey and his council of judges decided that Miss Colombia was to be Miss Universe, so Steve Harvey gave her the crown. But then Steve Harvey realized that that was not who he and his council of judges had decided as the next Miss Universe. Steve Harvey had made a mistake.
And so Steve Harvey did what any man has to do: he admitted his mistake, and announced that Miss Philippines was the correct Miss Universe, and that he was really sorry for his mistake. So they took the crown from atop Miss Colombia’s head, and then put the crown atop Miss Philippines’ head, and then the broadcast ended abruptly.
Following the broadcast, Harvey tweeted (and then deleted) an unfortunate message apologizing for the gaffe. He then returned home, where he sat on his plum leather sofa and slowly untied his Allen Edmonds brogues and undressed, piece-by-piece, from his white tuxedo. He rested his head on a leather pillow, turned on the TV, and fired up his DVR. He found the only show folder in his saved programs, and started up the newest episode.
It was the December 18 episode of the Steve Harvey show. “Tell me what to do, Steve,” he said. “Tell me what to do.” Televised Steve Harvey’s response? “Don’t pay attention to Donald Trump.”
Watch the video of the very awkward mishap below, if you can stomach that kind of thing: