Terminator Cocktails: The Rise of the Robot Bartenders

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Sorry Copenhagen: Not all of today’s visionary thinkers are focused on cloud-sourcing and climate change. Some of them are doing important work behind the bar, as well. While most drinkers are happy to enjoy a decade-old scotch or a classic cocktail, there are plenty who are not so old-fashioned. Here, we review some of the brave souls exploring unknown territory in alcohol-based chemistry.

Popular Science reports that Nonpolynomial labs has developed an ingenious game system that rewards players with a drink mixed based on their playing ability. Ignore the Pavlovian implications and appreciate Bartris. This game operates on the same system as Tetris, but here each colored block represents either rum, coke, or water.

Rum, Coke, and water? Unfortunately, Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics don’t prevent droids from serving us terrible drinks. If some Nonpolynomial labs plan for a 2.0 Bartris, we suggest using a another rum drink, the Daiquiri Blossom: one half orange juice, one half rum, plus a dash of maraschino (to make this drink give 110%), all shaken with ice and strained. Definitely an upgrade from your watery rum and coke, which comes not only via Bartris but also Adult Mario (forgive me if that name sounds like it has more to do with furries or similar nerd fetishes than drinks).

Of course, the quality of your drinks is really dependent on your game-playing ability. So the more drinks you have in an evening, the worse they will probably get, as your rewards also become your undoing. If you just want to relax and get lubricated, you should turn to the Bar2D2. This automaton drink-slinger will serve cocktails and beer without making you jump through any hoops. But be warned, says Popular Science, this bot’s currently being outfitted with a breathalyzer as well.

If you don’t want to be bothered with a bartender at all, whether made of flesh or metal, then scientists have found the answer for you. Current reports on a new way of taking your medicinal liquor: a vodka pill. A professor at Saint Petersburg Technological University in Russia developed it. (In other news, a Russian professor willingly became a cliché this month.)

We’re sure it gets the job done, but to spruce it up we suggest a few orange-flavored jellybeans to make your own highly-concentrated Screwdriver. Just don’t eat too many; you don’t want to wake up next to Adult Mario, after all.