If Your Neighborhood Was an Item of Clothing…

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It has recently come to our attention that AllSaints, a British clothing company, has come out with a shirt design called the “Williamsburg.” International fame at last! We’re not sure how well the shirt fits its namesake — true, it’s a plaid button down, which fits, but no one we know in Williamsburg pays 120 dollars for plaid button downs. Nevertheless it inspired us to look at other sartorial items named after neighborhoods. Some make at least some amount of sense, while others left us scratching our heads, but you tell us — is your neighborhood represented fairly in clothing form?

The Williamsburg.

Okay, okay, so there are lots of plaid shirt-wearing hipsters in the burg. But also in Burlington! And in the backwoods of most states, where they appear with axes and hunting dogs. So, see?

The East Village.

We have no idea why this pant was chosen as the East Village pant. It bears no resemblance to the East Village. Or to clothing worn there.

The Avenue B.

Ditto the Ave B jean. Maybe the gentrified youth of Alphabet City now wear things like this, but when we think of the Avenue B of old, we think of stepping over puddles of blood and hobos in our threadbare trousers. And Patti Smith.

The Upper East Side.

This one makes some sense. With a little imagination (and maybe some finer fabric) we could definitely picture this little number on one Blair Waldorf.

The Wicker Park.

It gets pretty cold in Chicago. And windy. We bet these boots keep the wind out, but we’re not sure any of the hipsters who hang in Wicker Park would be caught dead in them.

The Mission Street.

Highly literal. As in, looks like it would be found on someone in a mission. Then again, warm colors and lightweight fabric? Not a bad choice for a stroll down the longest street in San Francisco.

The Laurel Canyon.

Sure. Why not?

The Baltimore.

Do they know this looks like a prison shirt? Probably. We’ve seen The Wire too.

Let us know how you feel about how your neighborhood is being represented by the corporate clothing branders, and clue us in — if your part of town was an item of clothing, what would it be?