The Juiciest Literary Tell-All You Haven’t Read Yet

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We here at Flavorwire are thankful that Gawker is still picking up the Rielle Hunter beat. Apparently the ex-lover of the ex-dignified John Edwards is back in the New York metropolitan area; they say Hunter’s endless supply of cash dried up when Fred Baron died earlier this year and she was forced to forgo her cushy residence in the Santa Barbara hills. Now she’s crashing with a friend in Northern New Jersey.

But don’t fear Rielle, we have a surefire solution to your monetary woes: make like every famous scorned lover and write a tell-all! Think about all the juicy things you could go into; your life is the makings of a real Dickensian masterpiece.

In fact, come to think of it, we aren’t the first ones to think of this — your life has already been the fodder of many a publishing mega-hit. Remember how your boyfriend Jay McInerney mined the story about how your dad had Tommy “The Sandman” Burns to kill your prize horse, Henry the Hawk, in his novel A Story Life? That book actually features you, err Alison Poole, as the main character. Then Jay’s friend Bret Easton Ellis was so enamored of Alison Poole, err you, that he included her in two of his own novels, American Psycho and Glamorama. Then there was that time in 1992 when Sports Illustrated did a tell all story about the horse murders and published Tommy “The Sandman” Burn’s confession. And of course, we can’t forget the media frenzy you helped create when you took Presidential candidate John Edwards on as a lover.

Go get yourself a piece of this literary blockbuster, Rielle! And for the love of god, tell us who fathered your kid.