The person writing this post was once a barista. In all likelihood, you were once a barista. If you take coffee, and the rosettes and assorted abstracted fowl that can be swirled in milk atop it very seriously, perhaps you’re still a barista. With the amount of artists who’ve barista-ed or continue to barista seeming so high, it’d only make sense that Björk, too, may have at some point used her resume experience as a Stonemilker to make some emotional lattes, include microfoam in her Mouth Mantra, pour a Black Lake of espresso, advocate for the usage of all-Nattura-l beans, Draw Ristrettos (9, perhaps), make the Desired Cappucino through the Triumph of a Heart-shaped foam top, attempt to avoid getting a Stain (or an Echo) on customers, and ultimately feel the caffeinated urge to sing a Hyperballad.
Though you may never have footage of the real Björk doing such things (as the real Björk may have never done such things), Australian musician/person-who-posts-funny-things-on-YouTube Georgie Darvidis recently posted a video of herself as “Björk at Wjörk” as a barista, perhaps in honor of Björk’s own current (virtual reality) presence in the country. Honestly, it far outdoes any SNL or other imitation I’ve seen of Björk. Here, you’ll see Darvidis as Björk discussing the fascinating, perplexing systems and structures of barista-work, much in the vein of Björk’s own intentionally self-hyperbolizing video in which she described the inner-workings of a television set with so much wonder and trepidation:
As barista-Björk describes, it’s no easy job, what with the nagging desire to see how the foam “would interact with the machine…the mechanics of the big bench” and the rigidity required to write out a person’s name on a cup.
Watch the video: