Watch John Oliver Remind You What Americans Gave Up to Gain Their Independence

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There was no new episode of Last Week Tonight this Fourth of July weekend, but host John Oliver wanted to nevertheless remind his American viewers what they gave up “when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country” in this web exclusive.

Noble sacrifices include the dignified British accent (“You speak like you just burned your tongue on a hot apple pie”); bowler hats (“Perfect for dressing your head like a circumcised velvet penis”); and savory pies (“A lot like British people themselves: A hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface it’s just a hot fucking mess”). Most of all, Americans are missing out on that trademark British pessimism. Last Week Tonight will be back with new episodes on July 24. Things are looking up!