Happy Ab Fab weekend. The new film adaptation of creator and star Jennifer Saunders’ genius BBC sitcom is now in theaters. The series featured Saunders as Edina Monsoon and Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone — two self-destructive and divorced aging hippies who enable each other’s drug and drinking habits. “Ab Fab is vicious,” writes our own Tom Hawking in his review of the new film. “If American comedies are dark, they’re self-consciously so.” Eddy and Patsy aren’t afraid to tell it like it is — which Edina’s straight-laced daughter Saffron (Julia Sawalha) knows all too well. Here are some of Ab Fab‘s best quotes to brush up on before you head to theaters — wit, sass, and sarcasm about being a woman, letting loose, and raising a middle finger, all in the name of better living.
“All my clothes have stretch marks darling.”
“Meg Ryan, movie star?! I’ll be the judge of that.”
“I hate gynecologists! A man who can look you in the vagina, but never in the eye!”
“Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge? You’ve got a wardrobe full of little murderers.”
“I don’t want more choice, I just want nicer things.”
“I want total sensory deprivation and back-up drugs.”
“She’s so cold I bet she has her period in cubes.”
“Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life you’re better off just downing a bottle of whisky. At least that way you’re unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously!”
“The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.”
“Who dies in their own vomit these days?” “Nobody!”
“Whatever I choose is cool because I am cool.”
“I’ve got nothing to wear on public transport.”
“She was so anally retentive she couldn’t sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.”
“Oh, you little bitch troll from hell!”
“Sweetie, what are you drinking?” “Oh, this? Chanel No. 5.”
“I mean what you two don’t seem to realize is that inside of me, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.” “Just the one, dear?”
“Have you eaten something?” “No, not since 1973.”
“Quick shower, quick shower . . . Wash and go. Sandpaper, exfoliant, cellulite breakdown, tone and perm, auto-bronzer and birch twigs! Shall I have soap? No, no soap.”
“Darling, being gay is the best excuse you’ll ever have not to be boring!”
“Darling, who was your favorite Stone?” “Oh darling, you didn’t have a favorite Stone, you had ’em all!”
“Couple of weeks and I’ll be bending like Madonna, won’t I darling? I’ll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions!”
“One more facelift on this one and she’ll have a beard.”
“What the hell is the difference between a painting done by a person who wishes to paint like a child, and a child’s painting?”
“What will you drink if you stop drinking?” “I shall drink water.” (Blank look) “It’s a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.”
“Who bloody needs ’em? Upper classes, who bloody needs ’em, sweetheart? They’re all inbred anyway, aren’t they?” “Yea, just a talking neck! Most of them have done away with features altogether! They have to marry a bit of common every now and again to ensure bone development!”