I hope a supercut of all of John Oliver’s florid Trump insults is in the works. Vivid, evocative, and wildly inventive, they always manage to shed a newly unflattering light on the presidential hopeful — if, indeed, he actually hopes he’ll be president. The rococo insult du jour on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight was that he’s “a racist voodoo doll made of discarded cat hair,” an insult Oliver launched before going into a segment about why Trump should quit.
Oliver apologized for the occasional Trump-centricity of his coverage, but said that since the show is going to be off the air for a month, there are a few things he needs to put out there — given that Trump’s campaign is transitioning to new leadership (following Paul Manafort’s departure) and that Trump seems to be taking advice from Roger Ailes, who Oliver calls “a sexually rapacious hardboiled egg.” Turns out anyone with a bad reputation and an off-putting visage can be brought into Oliver’s brilliantly barbed linguistic fantasyland.
Since Trump had been polling poorly (though unfortunately this very weekend it seemed, according to a USC Dornsife/Los Angeles Times tracking poll, that he was doing way better) and at a crossroads in his campaign, Oliver decides, in the clip you can watch below, to weigh Trump’s options. He notes how Trump’s been particularly repetitive in branding himself as a person who always wins — and that it wouldn’t look so good for his brand if he, er, lost. “He’s like an alien attempting to impersonate a human, but his only research was trying to watch Charlie Sheen interviews,” Oliver jabs.
Trump himself said it’d be embarrassing to lose to “crooked Hillary Clinton,” and Oliver says that, indeed, it would be embarrassing to lose, especially to a candidate whose trustworthiness has been rated so low. Oliver says that the other option — actually rebounding from where he is now and winning – wouldn’t be good, either — because then he’d have to live “in government housing” and talk to “fully clothed women” on a daily basis.
He then addresses the following message to Trump, which he assumes he’ll see, since he says, “I’m pretty sure you sleep in a tanning bed made out of TVs playing cable news talking about you.” The message implores Trump to drop out and pretend this whole thing was a “stunt” and a “satire” of a “broken system.”