Talk about a Cleveland Steamer. Nancy Coyne of Broadway’s premiere ad agency Serino-Coyne recently got the best (and last) line in a New York Times report on the lack of money going into Broadway on both ends (investors and ticket-buyers):
“The last 15 years have been boom years for theater — I always expected the pendulum to swing, and I simply see this as a correction. The good news is that so many straight plays are now coming in the spring, and I think New Yorkers will come out for them once the tourists go away. We’re horrible snobs. We hate tourists from Cleveland.”
Coyne’s comments were sharp, funny, and naturally attacked on all ends.
A Cleveland newspaper picked up the story, ArtsBeat asked themselves if New Yorkers were snobs, and Page Six (typically) got their soapbox on, and took her to task for her comments. We think it’s safe to say that YOU DIDN’T GET IT, Cleveland. Coyne, like any good ad exec, knows that doing anything but apologizing would get her in hotter water than she’s already in. So we’re stepping up for her: Nancy Coyne, you were right. And Cleveland, since you don’t get it, let us explain it for you.
No matter where you live tourists are a necessary evil, but because New York is already filled with tons of strange people we don’t know, they are especially annoying here. Yes, tourists stimulate our economy, but past that, they clog our restaurants (Brunch on a Saturday in December? Forget it.), our sidewalks (Stop walking in anything but a Single! File! Line!), our subways (Don’t know how to get to Times Square? READ A MAP!).
And our theatre? Tourists don’t know how to stand in line for theatre. They don’t know how to hand their tickets to the guys with ticket scanners. They don’t remember to turn off their cell phones, they eat candy during a performance, they flip through playbills during the show while sitting in the second aisle. They don’t go to see anything good (Do tourists go see Adam Rapp plays? No. They see Shrek.) Have you ever been to a show that doesn’t deserve a standing ovation? You know you have, but there are always those assholes in the back who’re impressed by anything that isn’t the Carousel Dinner Theatre that stand up and start screaming “Bravo!” like they’ve just seen the burning bush do “Seasons of Love.”
Cleveland, you don’t rock. Your city closes at midnight (yeah: we’ve been there), and the only thing you have going for you is LeBron James (and we’re about to take him, soon). New Yorkers should be snobs: we have the best city in the universe, and there’s a reason you come to us (and we don’t come to you). We only appreciate you in that you give our restaurants, our theater, our bars, and our shops your money and leave, and you’re going to keep doing it for a long time to come. You know why? Because there’s no Balthazar in Cleveland. Get over it, and enjoy our punchy attitude, or go home. We’ve always got Cincinnati.