Jane the Virgin has wound its way around more twists and turns than this rollercoaster of an election campaign. So you’d be forgiven if its plots have gotten tangled in your mind since the Season 2 finale aired back in May. In that masterful episode, Jane Gloriana Villanueva (Gina Rodriguez) finally wed her long-term boyfriend, Michael Cordero (Brett Dier), in a beautiful, slightly quirky ceremony that perfectly suited the show’s wholesome/screwball tone. But the finale packed a lot of plot into its final few minutes; if you need a refresher before Season 3 premieres tonight, you got it.
First thing’s first — is Michael dead?
No, not as far as we know, but it sure looks like it. At the very end of the Season 2 finale, Michael steps out into the hall of the Marbella hotel — where he and Jane are about to finally, finally have sex — to get ice. Big mistake. He runs into Susanna (Megan Ketch), his partner at the Miami Police Department, who’s been helping him investigate the crime lord Mutter (a.k.a. Elena Di Nola, Rafael Solano’s mother, played by Fabiana Udenio) — or so he thought. Susanna pulls out a gun and shoots Michael in the chest. Then, she goes to Luisa — who thought she had been dating Susanna — and declares her love for Luisa while revealing herself to be none other than Rose, a.k.a. Sin Rostro.
What’s the deal with Sin Rostro again?
Sin Rostro is Rose’s alias. Rose (Bridget Regan) was once married to Rafael’s father, Emilio (Carlo Rota) — while carrying on an affair with Rafael’s sister, Luisa (Yara Martinez). Oh, and then she went ahead and killed Emilio in the first season, after convincing the Solano family that he, not her, was Sin Rostro. It��s messed up! Until the big reveal in the finale, Rose was believed to be dead: In “Chapter 34,” Michael and Susanna help Luisa fake a car accident in order to lure Rose to the hospital. There, Rose ends up shooting Susanna while trying to wrest away her gun. Rose is later found “dead,” strangled with blue ties — Mutter’s signature move.
That all sounds… complicated. Can we get back to the love triangle part?
We sure can, although the triangle is kind of just a boring ol’ straight line now that Jane and Michael have wed. But Rafael (Justin Baldoni) — who, let’s not forget, is baby Mateo’s biological father — is still very much in love with Jane, a fact that he planned to confess to her, until he wisely decided against ruining her wedding day.
So is Rafael back with Petra now?
Er, kind of. Earlier in the season, Jane introduced Petra’s long-lost, evil twin sister, Anezka (both played by Yael Grobglas), who grew up in a Czech orphanage and harbors not a little resentment toward the privileged life her sister has been living in Miami. In the Season 2 finale, Anezka attacks Petra, injecting her sister with some kind of venom that physically immobilizes her (#Petrafied). Petra still loves Rafael, the father of her twin babies, but she’s held off on pursuing a relationship with him because she knows he’s not over Jane. But after Anezka poisons her sister, she goes to Rafael, pretending to be Petra, and tells him she doesn’t care if he’s still into Jane. The two have sex, Rafael unaware that he’s sleeping with Anezka and not Petra — presumably the first step in Anezka’s plan to take over Petra’s life entirely.
Wow, that’s one messed up family.
And it’s not the only one! The Villanueva clan has more than Jane’s wedding to deal with: The Season 2 finale reveals that Jane’s mother, Xiomara (Andrea Navedo), is pregnant — with Esteban Santiago’s baby! Esteban (Keller Wortham), you’ll recall, is Jane’s father Rogelio’s arch rival, a fellow telenovela star who beat out Rogelio (Jaime Camil) for the best actor prize at the Paloma Awards (basically the telenovela Emmys). Xo had recently slept with Esteban, a one-and-done deal, and although she and Rogelio have confessed they still love each other, they found themselves at a crossroads at the end of last season: Rogelio wants to have more children, and Xo does not. Although the Villanuevas are a fairly religious bunch, Jane has at least mentioned the a-word as an option in previous plotlines; Xo’s predicament, though, may very well lead to the show’s first actual abortion.
Heavy. Would it be insensitive at this point to ask if Jane’s ever going have sex?!
No, it would not! Jane will indeed lose her incredibly tenacious virginity soon enough: Series creator Jennie Snyder Urman has confirmed that the event will take place in the first half of Season 3. The question, of course, is who will be the lucky man? My money’s on Michael. I don’t think the show would kill him off at this point (Brett Dier is definitely appearing in the upcoming season, and while he could just be used in flashback scenes, I somehow doubt this is where Michael’s story ends). And despite Jane’s many ups and downs — and the show’s bonkers-cruel inciting incident — Jane has always refrained from piling too many senseless misfortunes on its plucky heroine. Throw her a bone, writers! The poor girl’s given birth! But this show has pulled so many surprise twists in its first two seasons, really, all bets are off.
Jane the Virgin Season 3 premieres tonight at 9 p.m. on the CW.