Donald Trump’s tepid, pedestrian, dare I say nasty comedy routine at the (rather elitist and plutocratic) Al Smith charity dinner drew boos from the crowd, while Hillary Clinton’s speech, filled with the sickest burns we’ve seen from the candidate. Here is her speech and its five best lines, below.
- People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants. A beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald sees the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4. Maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet, and changes her hair.”
- Now you notice there is no teleprompter tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They’re hard to keep up with —and I’m sure it’s harder when you’re translating from the original Russian.
- Whoever wins this election, the outcome will be historic. We’ll either have the first female president… or the first president who started a Twitter war with Cher.
- Donald wanted me drug tested before last night’s debate. And look, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Now, actually I did — it’s called preparation.
- We have so many wonderful elected politicians e honorable Chuck Schumer. The honorable Andrew Cuomo. The honorable Mike Bloomberg, the honorable Bill deBlasio… and then we have Rudy Giuliani. Many don’t know this, but Rudy actually got his start as a prosecutor going after wealthy New Yorkers who avoided paying taxes. But as the saying goes, “if you can’t beat them, go on Fox News and call them a genius.”
Rudy was not amused.