Hottie. And revered character actor.
And beyond his technical prowess, how can you talk about Face Book without talking about the chiseled, stoic simplicity of his face? His firm, square jaw, his melancholy, oceanic blue cheeks, and that fat, juicy white “f”; that face alone is enough to draw people in, to make them feel at home in his immense presence, to want to give everything over to him — all their screeds, their quips, their GIFs, their vague pleas to “keep me in your thoughts,” their likes, their loves, their friendiversaries, their political ideologies (and maybe, just maybe, their Oscars? #fingerscrossed, #nevertoolate, #oscarstoohuman). And so, in this year’s controversial body horror epic, Face Book was able to leverage that comfort (and his better-than-sex-appeal) to pull off the astonishing feat of convincing viewers he was trustworthy.
And so, in the recent grotesque body horror film from which we’re still recovering (so masterfully disquieting!), the famously promiscuous, ne’er do well actor proved himself quite adept at playing a Credible News Sharing Platform, giving people the instant gratification thrill of clicking on him. Sure, it was a form of fandom that, unbeknownst to them, would lead them astray into a world where the Pope has endorsed Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is using pizza to make children into sex slaves — but it was so captivating! It was, indeed, the kind of astonishing, transcendent character work Johnny Depp did when he wore a tiny mustache and called himself Mortdecai.
But while this performance as a Credible News Sharing Platform was clearly very popular — popular enough to have led to upwards of 8 million “shares, reactions, and comments” on news stories that were not, in fact, real! — it also, it was revealed just yesterday, exhausted Face Book. After having received a great deal of press for his performance, he only just recently came out to say that in the future, he’d be looking to play slightly different roles through “a series of [Stella Adler-technique based] experiments to keep misinformation and false articles from being disseminated.”
Apparently, he’s looking to do something a bit more naturalistic. Meanwhile, here the rest of the world sits, agog in their respective bubbles, at just what an impact it seems he was able to make in just one performance this year.
Click here for more NSFW photos of that fat “f.”