Seriously, What the Fuck Is Even Happening


Happy Friday everybody, we’re knee-deep in a Constitutional crisis, so like most sensible leaders in such a situation, President Donald Trump has decided to do a Tweet-storm. We’re preserving screencaps of them here, as some of these, and I say this without exaggeration, are impeachable offenses!

This one falls into the category of “If you say it enough times, maybe it becomes true.” It’s our President using his Twitter as a kind of online vision board, which is cute! It’s also helpful to imagine him saying this at top volume, with his fingers in his ears.

As smarter souls than I have noted, #actually most jobs in The Fake Media are salaried positions, wherein the concept of “overtime” doesn’t really come into play. It’s also why so many of us are eager for this administration to end, since you can’t even get a minute to sit down for a goddamn bagel in the morning before the 70-year-old psychopath in the Oval is having a global thermonuclear meltdown on the email machine.

Mmmmkay, two things. 1) This “very active President with lots of things happening” has spent more time on vacation than any Commander-in-Chief in recent history (since taking office, he’s spent half of his weekends at his resort in Florida), all the while failing miserably to deliver on his campaign promises. 2) We’ve had presidents navigate that office in the midst of wars, depressions, recessions, and tragedies. They somehow managed to avoid shrugging, “I’m too busy for my people to tell the truth, whaddaya wanna do about it?”

Yep, this is all perfectly normal and healthy and not the least bit worrisome. You just feed the press the information, and they’ll print it as written. Sounds awesome and not at all dictator-y!

Just a reminder that a) James Comey is now a private citizen and free to talk to whomever he likes, b) he’ll presumably be testifying about those conversations at some point, so this would be the second time this week that Mr. Trump attempted to intimidate a federal witness from his social media platform, and c) the notion that “tapes” will come into play is a level of Watergate cosplay we could have only dreamed of.

“Virtually everyone else” is some awfully selective language, but I get what he’s doing. Sometime back, I wrote about how Trump governs like the winner of one of his beauty pageants, but I’ve since read a more compelling analogy: he runs the country like a spoiled child. Writer Michael D’Antonio pegs him at six, but I’ve got a three-year-old, and that rings closer to the truth for me. She does this all the time, having a little tantrum, saying something pointed and leaving the room and slamming the door, then coming back in to add something before leaving with another slam, and so on.

So I suggest we all handle this the way we handle our kid when she’s having a meltdown: you ignore her, and let her get it of her system, because you can’t engage with someone when they’re that far gone.

And then, when she’s all done screaming and crying and throwing things, we impeach her.