The Crayon Box of Oscar Fashions

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Hayyy. No one is reading real news today; instead we’re all looking at pictures of pretty dresses. And ugly dresses. But definitely not tuxedos because they are boring. Anyway! You probably watched the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, and you may have even seen Kathy Ireland acting like a Frankenstein on happy pills during the pre-show, but have you seen the outfits color coded? That’s what we’re here for. Peep into our box of Oscar Crayola after the jump. (Sarah Jessica Parker, featured at right, did not make the cut because her dress was confusing. See Matthew Broderick? Stymied.)

Neutral was the tone of choice for this year’s Academy Awards; Demi Moore* and Best Actress nominee Anna Kendrick both went with the “this dress matches my skin” variety.

Runner up: silver, basically a more sparkly version of the ubiquitous nude. This is kind of a bad shot, but I think we can all agree that Sandra “Sandy” Bullock may have played the most convincing role of her career (aka “Oscar winner”) in that frock.

Purple! Purple purple purple. From lilac to plum, it’s fun to say, fun to wear. More questionable are any associated boob rosettes a la Charlize Theron.

Black is always a safe choice. [Ed. note: So is navy blue that looks black in press photos!] We’re underwhelmed by both Carey Mulligan and Tina Fey (maybe it’s the hairdos?) but actually impressed by what’s-her-face from Twilight. It fits and it suits.

Blue was the color of choice for the actresses from Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire. Best Supporting Actress winner Mo’Nique, Best Actress nominee Gabourey Sidibe, and her Miminess Mariah Carey all rocked the, ahem, sapphire.

Red: in general, too much opportunity for clashing with the carpet. That being said, Vera Farmiga made what could have looked like bad drapery into something bold and sculptural.

Why choose one color when a world of designer prints exists for your A-list pleasure? Rachel McAdams went the watercolor route, while Maggie Gyllenhaal pulled off a Dries Van Noten strapless pick with a big smile and a tan. I don’t think Nicole Richie is even an actress, but she attended the Academy Awards in a frumpy caftan nonetheless.

*PS. How much cooler would this year’s broadcast have been if they had made CGI GHOSTS for the dead people montage and they all hugged presenter Demi Moore from behind? Pottery wheel optional.