Eat to the Beat: 50 Bands as Restaurants


It’s hard out there for a band trying to monetize in the days of music-industry apocalypse. So if you’re an indie rocker trying to make a buck, why not take that sweet advertising deal? Why not let Josh Schwartz and co. pimp your single out to millions of tweens nationwide? Why not allow your legendary songs to inspire not only a sandwich shop but also a beer, Wilco? Why not attain home-state hero status by providing the names for every single pie at a Greensboro, NC pizzeria, Ryan Adams? Hey, it’s all good publicity.

But personally, we’re starting to think that bands could do even better by cutting out the middlemen and creating their very own branded eateries. And because we’re charitable folks, we’ve decided to help them out a little bit by imagining what these establishments might entail. After the jump check out 50 of our favorite artists as restaurants. Then, do yourself a favor and take a lunch break.

The White Stripes’ House of Peppermints

Gang of Four’s Socialized Cheeseburgers

of Montreal — Outback Steakhouse (duh)

Beach House’s Turtle Soup Island

Radiohead’s Spinning Plates of Delicious Food

Notorious B.I.G. — Big Poppa’s House of Flapjacks and Bacon

The Doors’ Soul Kitchen

The Beatles’ Strawberry Sundaes Forever

The Rolling Stones’ Brown Sugar Shack: Where you can’t always get what you ordered

Snoop (Doggy) Dogg’s Gin and Juice Bar

Atlas Sound’s Cold As Ice Tea

The Velvet Underground & Nico’s Banana Split Factory

Johnny Cash’s Blackened Meats

Prince’s Starfish and Coffee Shoppe

Smashing Pumpkins’ Homemade Mayonaise (sic)

Kelis’ Milkshake Yard

The Modern Lovers’ Roadside Stop ‘n Shop

The Vaselines’ Slushies and Dum-Dums

Spoon’s Just-for-Kids Carryout

The Moldy Peaches’ Crazy Burgers

Hank Williams’ Good-lookin’ Cookin’

Beat Happening’s Indian Summer Picnic Caterers On the menu: Plums, wild berries, French toast with molasses, baked Alaska

Art Brut Top of the Soda Pops

Hole’s Drown Soda Fountain

Weird Al’s Spam and Spuds: It’s Why You’re Fat

The Magnetic Fields’ Chicken (With Their Heads Cut Off)

Pulp’s Cheese and Wizz

Dean Martin’s Moonlight Pizzeria

Busta Rhymes’ Courvoisier Corner

Animal Collective PB & Strawberry Jam

R.E.M.’s Orange Crush Soda Fountain

Know Cibo Matto’s Chicken Beverage: Sugar water Dessert: Birthday cake

The Pixies’ Lovely Beans and Rice and Horse’s Lard

Vampire Weekend’s House of Horchata and Aranciata

Rufus Wainwright’s Cigarettes, Chocolate Milk and Other Cravings

50 Cent’s Candy Shop

On A.C. Newman’s Table

Blonde Redhead’s Medley of Certain Damaged Lemons

The Books’ Lemonade of Pink

Don McLean’s American Pie Diner

The Runaways’ Cherry Bomb Pops

Deerhoof’s Desserts: Specializing in choco fights, apple o’s and milk

Guns and Roses Appetite for Destruct- er, Dinner On the menu: Sweet potato o’ mine

Joanna Newsom’s Seafood and Fruit Entree: Clams, crabs, cockles, cowries Dessert: Peach, plum, pear

Girls’ Beachside Pizzeria and Winebar

Fiery Furnaces’ Bitter Teahouse

Love’s Arthur Lee Memorial Good Humor Truck

The Flaming Lips’ Toast Stand (Sorry: No butter, jelly, or cheese)

M.I.A.’s Mango Pickles and Other Fusion Curiosities

Chairlift’s Planet Healthfood