It’s hard out there for a band trying to monetize in the days of music-industry apocalypse. So if you’re an indie rocker trying to make a buck, why not take that sweet advertising deal? Why not let Josh Schwartz and co. pimp your single out to millions of tweens nationwide? Why not allow your legendary songs to inspire not only a sandwich shop but also a beer, Wilco? Why not attain home-state hero status by providing the names for every single pie at a Greensboro, NC pizzeria, Ryan Adams? Hey, it’s all good publicity.
But personally, we’re starting to think that bands could do even better by cutting out the middlemen and creating their very own branded eateries. And because we’re charitable folks, we’ve decided to help them out a little bit by imagining what these establishments might entail. After the jump check out 50 of our favorite artists as restaurants. Then, do yourself a favor and take a lunch break.
The White Stripes’ House of Peppermints
Gang of Four’s Socialized Cheeseburgers
of Montreal — Outback Steakhouse (duh)
Beach House’s Turtle Soup Island
Radiohead’s Spinning Plates of Delicious Food
Notorious B.I.G. — Big Poppa’s House of Flapjacks and Bacon
The Doors’ Soul Kitchen
The Beatles’ Strawberry Sundaes Forever
The Rolling Stones’ Brown Sugar Shack: Where you can’t always get what you ordered
Snoop (Doggy) Dogg’s Gin and Juice Bar
Atlas Sound’s Cold As Ice Tea
The Velvet Underground & Nico’s Banana Split Factory
Johnny Cash’s Blackened Meats
Prince’s Starfish and Coffee Shoppe
Smashing Pumpkins’ Homemade Mayonaise (sic)
Kelis’ Milkshake Yard
The Modern Lovers’ Roadside Stop ‘n Shop
The Vaselines’ Slushies and Dum-Dums
Spoon’s Just-for-Kids Carryout
The Moldy Peaches’ Crazy Burgers
Hank Williams’ Good-lookin’ Cookin’
Beat Happening’s Indian Summer Picnic Caterers On the menu: Plums, wild berries, French toast with molasses, baked Alaska
Art Brut Top of the Soda Pops
Hole’s Drown Soda Fountain
Weird Al’s Spam and Spuds: It’s Why You’re Fat
The Magnetic Fields’ Chicken (With Their Heads Cut Off)
Pulp’s Cheese and Wizz
Dean Martin’s Moonlight Pizzeria
Busta Rhymes’ Courvoisier Corner
Animal Collective PB & Strawberry Jam
R.E.M.’s Orange Crush Soda Fountain
Know Cibo Matto’s Chicken Beverage: Sugar water Dessert: Birthday cake
The Pixies’ Lovely Beans and Rice and Horse’s Lard
Vampire Weekend’s House of Horchata and Aranciata
Rufus Wainwright’s Cigarettes, Chocolate Milk and Other Cravings
50 Cent’s Candy Shop
Blonde Redhead’s Medley of Certain Damaged Lemons
The Books’ Lemonade of Pink
Don McLean’s American Pie Diner
The Runaways’ Cherry Bomb Pops
Deerhoof’s Desserts: Specializing in choco fights, apple o’s and milk
Guns and Roses Appetite for Destruct- er, Dinner On the menu: Sweet potato o’ mine
Joanna Newsom’s Seafood and Fruit Entree: Clams, crabs, cockles, cowries Dessert: Peach, plum, pear
Girls’ Beachside Pizzeria and Winebar
Fiery Furnaces’ Bitter Teahouse
Love’s Arthur Lee Memorial Good Humor Truck
The Flaming Lips’ Toast Stand (Sorry: No butter, jelly, or cheese)
M.I.A.’s Mango Pickles and Other Fusion Curiosities
Chairlift’s Planet Healthfood
