We’ve all seen those groaner moments in a film where a character prominently filibusters in support of some real life product that-surprise!-contributed a hefty sum to said movies financing in exchange for the positive plug. Now, an article in today’s New York Times describes how these product placement deals are being cut progressively earlier in the filmmaking process, with rough scripts and situations prematurely doctored to optimize branding potential. Of course, with ballooning production costs this kind of product placement is almost inevitable. So we say, why not embrace it?
Iron Man 2 – You have to assume that billionaire Tony Stark has everything and doesn’t go out of his way to buy a hot new product. On the other hand, Mickey Rourke as Whiplash gives endless product placement opportunities. We’re going to opt for a nifty iPad to store his Tony Stark press clippings in a handy slideshow format, and Russian vodka of some sort. Actually, Whiplash and Tony Stark might find a common ground on that vodka.
Robin Hood – American Apparel leggings — perfect for fashionably storming around Sherwood Forest.
MacGruber – When MacGruber talks about giving someone an “upper-decker” in the trailer, why not add a line about how positive his experience with the Charmin toilet paper was? Also, don’t forget a conditioner plug for Val Kilmer’s nasty ponytail.
Marmaduke – There is nothing that could help this film earn more money.
Get Him To The Greek – Absinthe, condoms, and hair gel could all find a place. Some enterprising Californian marijuana dispensary will probably manage to sneak in as well.
Splice – Purell. You’re going to need some kind of super-disinfectant after dealing with that monster.
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – Toothpaste to keep those biting teeth minty fresh and self-tanning lotion to cure that pesky pallor. The hardest decision for producers would be whether Taylor Lautner should be shown using the Perfect Pushup or the Ab-Roller.
Step Up 3D – Deodorant and antiperspirant. What, you think all these dancers just sweat roses and perfume?
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – Birkenstocks: the warriors choice of footwear
A Nightmare On Elm Street – Can’t go to sleep? Try 5-hour energy, for long lasting energy without the crash. There’s zero sugar and zero net carbs, so you can lose weight and fight off Freddy Krueger at the same time.