Cars: A car is a justifiable purchase. And it’s not like there aren’t other car-obsessed celebrities. But, nine Rolls Royces, a Lamborghini once owned by the Shah of Iran, an Enzo Ferrarri, and 19 others? That’s just excessive. We think he should buy a Prius and be done with it.
Private Bahamian island: While we can understand the appeal of owning a private beachfront property, we do not understand the rationale for buying an undeveloped 40-acre island. Hasn’t he seen LOST? Undeveloped islands are never a good idea.
Gulfstream jet: We have often fantasized about owning our own plane that can whisk us to whichever corner of the world strikes our fancy. But, in said fantasy, we weren’t in something as large as a Gulfstream jet. Then again, we’ve also never owned our own island.
Flotilla of yachts: Call us simple if you must, but we’re of the thought that owning more than one yacht is just silly. Why does anyone need four?
Comic books: Alright, comic books. Many people collect comics. But, we now know that Cage can’t do anything in moderation. His collection sold for $1.6 million dollars and included the first appearances of Superman, Robin, and the Justice Society of America. In addition, Cage and son Weston launched their own line of comics called VooDoo Child, he has a tattoo of Ghost Rider on his arm, and recently called comic books the “Jungian archetypes of the modern age.” Whatever that means.
Two castles: Yep, two. Midford Castle in England and Schloss Neidstein, a medieval castle in Bavaria. Now we’re starting to understand the need for the Gulfstream jet.
A haunted mansion: So, in 1832 there was this doctor who lived in New Orleans and built this house called the LaLaurie Mansion. The good doctor had a wife named Delphine. It turns out she was straight up evil and enjoyed torturing slaves in her attic. For whatever creepy reason, Cage bought that house in addition to the home Anne Rice used to live in. Since, you know, he needed two scary homes in the same town.
Shrunken heads: According to visitors at Cage’s home, he has a collection of shrunken heads. We’re beginning to think that he’s seriously weird and not in that kind of cute, eccentric way.
Exotic pets: Sadly, this does not mean a Capuchin monkey, elephant, or African grey parrot. No, that would be far too normal. Cage is more into reptiles and sea creatures. He reportedly owned two albino King Cobras (named Moby and Sheba, naturally), a crocodile, an octopus, and salt-water sharks.
A dinosaur skull: If you already have a collection of shrunken heads, why not right? Cage was actually in a bidding war with Leonardo DiCaprio over a Tarbosaurus skull. We’re not surprised that Cage won, but now we’re curious about the kind of stuff DiCaprio owns.