Slate ran a piece earlier in the week about a computer program that is “writing great, original works of classical music,” and then posed the question to their readers: “Will human composers soon be obsolete?” This got us thinking, what would the world be like if Terminator-esque robots replaced our favorite bands with “post-human” counterparts? What would we write like if we were replaced by blood-thirsty auto-bloggers?
Your 15 Favorite Bands Post-Robot Apocalypse by Auto-Blogger Van Cyborging
1. Android Bird His hit song is “Definitely a Robot, Not a Ghost” off of Noble Lifeless Beast.
2. Death Cab For All Humans Their breakout album, Transroboticism, was a favorite of social misfits and Adam Brody. (What? You thought he was human?)
3. Devendra Ban (hearts do not compute for robots) Dated Natalie Port for a while.
4. Jo-Automatron Newsom Her archaic use of an electric harp and her interestingly high-pitched Auto-Tuning makes her an outsider favorite.
5. Lady Gaga Her hit music video for “Bad Robotmance” has the most views on the Android Telepathic Network.
6. Machine & The Machine “Kiss with a Linking of Our Data Centers” was one of the most underrated songs of the 2014 buzz cycle.
7. Mechanical Collective Perhaps the most critically-acclaimed of all post-robot apocalypse bands, their song “My Female Versions of C-3POs” is both brilliant and catchy.
8. M.I.Augmented Reality Received much criticism for releasing a music video about the extermination of red-colored robots.
9. Modest Man Modest Man trail-blazed a path with their turbo-blasters for critically acclaimed android-artists to also win mainstream success.
10. Neon Optimus Prime The song “Deadbeat Summer” is about the summer of 2012, when the humans’ hearts stopped beating.
11. Peoplehunter “Nothing Ever Happened (Before 2012)” took awhile to reach the mainstream, but is slowly gaining more and more popularity.
12. Robot For Lashes Auto-bloggers gushed over this FemBot’s last album There Aren’t Two Suns, There Isn’t Even One Sun both because it was a brilliant effort and because she is one of the most attractive FemBots on the “scene.”
13. She Robot & He Robot Much like Robot For Lashes, the success of this band in getting tons of coverage from auto-bloggers is in large part due to the incredible attractiveness of She Robot. He Robot is decent at electric guitar, though.
14. Suf-TRON Stevens One of the most famous legends about Suf-TRON Stevens is how he claimed he would write an album about every state in the United States of America. Since none of those states exist anymore, he was able to complete his goal immediately.
15. The xx This band was named for what the humans’ eyes look like now.