Tina Fey’s 25 Funniest Liz Lemon-isms


Today the Kennedy Center announced that it would present its annual Mark Twain Prize for Humor to Tina Fey on November 9. This is a really big deal. Not only is Fey the third woman in history to receive the honor (Lily Tomlin in 2003 and Whoopi Goldberg in 2001), she’s also significantly younger than past honorees. In celebration, we’ve rounded up 25 of our favorite Liz Lemon quotes in homage. Yes, we realize that Fey works with a team of talented writers on 30 Rock material. But like most people, we find it almost impossible to separate her from the smart, hilarious lover of hard cheeses who she plays on TV.

1. “Okay, this is gonna sound really weird. But, um, you need to wear a bra.”

2. “Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he’s gonna kill you and then he’s gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.”

3. “Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America?”

4. “I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.”

5. “She’s very well-read… and she’s very stylish, don’t you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She��s like a… white geisha.”

6. “I wolfed my Teamster sub for you!”

7. “Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? [pointing thumbs at self] This moi.”

8. “I’m 37, please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.”

9. “Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”

10. “One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I’m really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!”

11. “Thanks, it’s my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water.”

12. “I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.”

13. “Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.”

14. “She texts her gay friends while I write ’til four in the morning eating dry fistfuls of Raisin Bean to stay awake, which, by the way, is how I’m able to ride the fart train to work every day.”

15. “In my experience, ‘let’s think about it’ usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.”

16. “Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.”

17. “If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level with drop until he pees himself.”

18. “Don’t push it Liz, let it happen. There’s gonna be a Mamma Mia!”

19. “My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.”

20. “I’ve been stuck inside playing online Boggle. It’s messing with my head. STAR… RATS… ARTS… TARS.”

21. “He could be a serial killer. He could wear a thumb ring.”

22. “There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!”

23. “God, three weddings in one day, I’m going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.”

24. “There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends I am voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here’s one, when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat.”

25. “You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.”