Interpol Dudes who are thwarted by the Chinese finger trap every single time.
Black Lips Guys who don’t get jobs because their potential employer discovered photos of them bro icing on Facebook.
Girl Talk Bar Mitzvah crashers.
Fucked Up People who wish they could mosh with Shrek, Snorlax, and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.
Wolf Parade People who throw a shitfit when someone suggests that there are too many indie bands named after animals.
Hot Chip Men who used the cheat code to see naked, poorly-rendered 3D figures showering in The Sims.
Surfer Blood That sweaty dude in the mosh pit who referred to your girlfriend as “Baberaham Lincoln.”
Best Coast The girl who tries to hook up with that same sweaty dude by bragging about her cat.
Toro Y Moi Deceptively straight males who think “riding the chillwave” is a national pastime.
The National Dudes who would rather play chess than Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Drinking Game.
Ninjasonik Guys who are always worried they accidently impregnated their girlfriends.
Crystal Castles Bitches who think it’s okay to scratch guys who misbehave. And the boys who buy them soy lattes.
Sleigh Bells Chicks and dudes who semi-ironically aspire to “Superman dat ho” at an indie rock concert.
MGMT Pre-Congratulations: 81% of College Freshmen. Post-Congratulations: Guys who consider the ability to store 13 pencils in their hair to be an evolutionary advantage.
Dan Deacon Smelly, un-self-aware hipsters who wear mal-fitting baseball caps and probably attend SUNY Purchase.
Andrew Bird Girls who get sexually aroused by traditional avian mating calls.
Of Montreal Guys who bought kaliedscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.
Broken Social Scene People who fantasize about riding an eight-person, single-gear bicycle to the Brooklyn Bowl.
HEALTH Guys who lit fires in their backyards before hitting puberty. Then they took up smoking.
Cat Power Mediocre-looking girls who put Zooey Deschanel as their doppelganger on Facebook.
Iron and Wine Grown men who always get roped into being the DD for “Ladies Night Out” with their mother and her coworkers from Office Depot.
Pavement Stay-at-home dads.
M. Ward Lonely, chronic masturbators who end up settling for the Cat Power chicks.
Sonic Youth Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.
Modest Mouse People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.
The Decemberists Virgins, not in the name of God, but as a result of valiant attempts to achieve poetic justice.
Fiery Furnaces Those dicks who still won’t smile, even after you acknowledge their apathy with the “Woah, don’t get too excited!” joke.
LCD Soundsystem People who are obsessed with their creepy uncles.
The Pixies Dudes who feel the need to comment on how advanced Ren & Stimpy was whenever someone discusses their love for Lilo & Stich.
Belle & Sebastian People who have ended their tweets on multiple occasions with #BringBackMessengerBags.
Chairlift Covert nymphos.
Dinosaur Jr. Guys who refused to go on Xbox Live with Halo 2 because it eliminated the community aspect of LAN parties.
The Hold Steady Dads who coach the baseball team, even though their kid sucks.
Feist Chicks who”didn’t agree with the ending” of (500) Days of Summer.
Elliott Smith People who felt really bad for Buzz Lightyear when he discovered he couldn’t actually fly. And think Toy Story 3 is a step backwards for Pixar.
Yo La Tengo Mature men who wish Q104.3 would expand their horizons to alternative old-people music.
Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy) Guys who use the term “breasts” instead of “boobs” out of respect for their girlfriends.
Beirut Girls who wish their boyfriend would stop killing the mood by using the term “breasts.”
“Jesus Christ.” (the indie band) People who wish they thought of Hipster Puppies.
Die Antwoord Fans of Obama before and after his appearance in the “Whoomp! (There It Is)” video.
Magnetic Fields People who “discover” new bands via NPR.
Chromeo Guys who initially used the word “bro” ironically and lost sight of their intentions shortly thereafter.
Panda Bear Young men who know what a 401(k) is.
Neutral Milk Hotel People who get where Christians are coming from with the whole “hope Jesus will rise again” thing.
Yeasayer Guys who have proposed The Holy Mountain as an alternative to watching A Kid in King Arthur’s Court at family get-togethers.
My Morning Jacket People whose reaction to the Grand Canyon could be summed up as “Eh.”